Mud Pies and Milkshakes

Autism Awareness Ornament is back!!!

2011-09-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

It's back!!! The perfect gift for a parent, teacher, therapist, friend, grandparent, etc.!

My original plan was to create a new design this year, realizing that most every family member or friend we have purchased one of these last year. However, our network has grown enormously since then. We've met people from all over the United States this year who have been affected by Autism, so I wanted to make this design at least one more season since it was so well received.

On Tuesday, August 17, 2010, we sat in that office and heard the words. A month later, I designed this ornament. It was an emotional, heart-wrenching time for us. We were searching constantly for the right therapies and trying to meet other parents we could relate to. To be honest, making these ornaments was therapeutic for me. My house was a complete disaster with paint, ornaments, brushes, etc. scattered everywhere. It was not very organized (and neither was I), but it was healing! I had no idea that so many people would really want one. I sold A LOT of these last year, and I was completely amazed by the support. Support from Memphis, Tennessee...Los Angeles, California...Pelzer, South Carolina...Boston, Massachusetts...Orlando, Florida...cities across Georgia and Kentucky...the list goes on and on and on.

I also had planned to start early this year on making these, as I was working right up to the last minute last year to get them done. But, as most of your know, right after the holidays, our family experienced a major shock when Liam was hospitalized and diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Our lives were turned upside down again, in a completely different way than before. So, eight months later, we are regaining ourselves again, and I am ready for this challenge.

The statistics are staggering. 1 in 11o children. 1 in 70 boys. In 2011, everyone knows SOMEONE affected by autism.

As so many have given to us, I want to give something back. The ornaments are $8, with $1 of each purchase going straight to an autism charity. I am still contemplating the charity, as I want the benefit to be direct and immediate. As soon as I decide, you'll be the first to know! If you order through paypal, shipping will be calculated for you. I am also happy to take orders through email and you can mail a check. In this case, I will estimate shipping based on your order. Feel free to combine your order with friends/family so they can all ship together to save you money!

The ornament is simple - it is either a round plastic ball or a flat disc ball. (The one pictured is a flat disc ball, which I personally love.) I don't order through a big supply company - so I use what I can get from the craft store. I'll do my best to make the one you request, but keep in mind that I may run out of one for a while and have to use the other :) I have hand painted the puzzle piece, and it is tied off with the puzzle piece ribbon. I can personalize the back with either an Autism message (Embrace Autism...Embrace Differences...etc.) or a name/year...just let me know! These are all a little different...just like our children :)

To order, use the Paypal link on the right of the page. If you're local (or in Kentucky where I can get them to you), please send me a message and I can send you a special invoice without shipping. I can be reached at Leighlally3@aol.com.

Last but not least, I am anything but a business person. I am just a mom, working my tail off to embrace the things that come our way. Liam is so incredibly special to us, and we will spend every penny and every second doing what we have to do so that he can be everything he wants to be. I know you all would do the same.

We thank you for your support.

Heather, William, & Liam Lally

Liam - Surfers for Autism with amazing instructor, Sushi!

Life IS a beach.

2011-06-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

Be aware.

2011-03-28T12:36:00.000-07:00

This will be my first Autism Awareness Month since Liam's diagnosis with Asperger's in August. If we didn't have the diabetes to combat, as well, I would probably be doing MANY things across the community to spread awareness. But, I am starting simple this year. I have a whole lifetime to spread awareness ;)

This weekend I'll be setting up an Autism Awareness section in the local library. I am very excited about this and have been working a little each day to gather information.

As I was searching, I stumbled across this article and thought it was so profound. Many times, even before the official diagnosis, parents of children on the spectrum start to feel isolated even within their own family. Even in the best family situations, the parents will feel just a little different because of their...well...differences. But take a family that already isn't supportive and it can really make things even more difficult. Because, like it or not, parents of the children with any Autism Spectrum Disorder, are NOT going to apologize for what they do or don't do with their child. They are the experts, and every professional working with children on the spectrum will be the first to tell you that. Aunt Sue and Cousin John, no matter how many people they've met with Autism, cannot come close to understanding what your life is like. And if they happen to never come to your house in the first place, even just to drop in and visit, they certainly shouldn't even open their mouths to tell you what you need to be doing differently.

It's the ones that just acknowledge our efforts, or the ones who look and smile, as if to say, "I know you're doing your best," that really help us make it through the day. Saying something like, "Just don't take your kid to the grocery if they can't handle it!" does NOT help. How is a mother never to go to the grocery? And how exhausting to TRY when the lights, sounds, and people are often too much for him to take?

If family and friends want to know how to "Be Aware" - this covers just about everything :)

Be Aware – For Families and Friends

April 2, 2010

[This is Part II of today's three-part series, along with Be Aware - For Parents and Be Aware - For Everyone, for World Autism Awareness Day.]

Be aware that you don’t need to tell us that everything will be OK; just tell us that you’ll be there for us.

Be aware that being a supportive family member or friend will mean doing a lot. You have to read and listen and work at learning and gaining experience.

Be aware that we do the research, the work, and the living it all day every day; we know the effort it requires, and honestly it will be impossible for you to compete with that. That’s OK; no one expects you to. Be aware that it’s not how much you absorb but how much you want to help and support us that matters most.

Be aware that we are thankful beyond words for all that you do for us.

Be aware that we often feel wounded by many kinds of criticism. Treat our perspectives and feelings with respect and seek to work as partners with us.

Be aware that your logic and sense of how our kids should do things don’t apply here. Our kids experience the world differently, sometimes so much so that it’s like trying to communicate in completely different, exotic languages. Be aware that there are no shortcuts to figuring things out.

Be aware that we probably don’t seem like the same people we used to be, but don’t overanalyze this. Accept us as we are, and let’s move forward to overcome the challenges and rejoice in the gifts.

Be aware that all the energy we focus on our kids and our daily lives may mean that what you think is important doesn’t register with us. It’s not personal; these are just the limitations of who we are.

Be aware that we don’t need anyone’s pity. Be aware that what we do need are advocates, cheerleaders, and teammates, and that our kids need all the support they can get to grow and learn.

Be aware that many times the most supportive response is to just be quiet and let us talk it out.

Be aware that the journey we are on is often far different from the lives of other parents. Be aware that our children develop in their own way in their own time. And be aware that when you try to compare our kids with your neighbors’ kids or other relatives or us with other parents, it gets infuriating – fast.

Be aware that unless someone has a special needs child, they can’t really have any idea what we’re going through. That’s OK because no one expects them to. Be aware that it only becomes a big problem when people act like they know.

Be aware that what you read or hear in the media about autism is about .001% of what the complete reality is, and sometimes what they tell you is either distorted or plain wrong.

Be aware that if you even think of ever criticizing the state of our house, your next action better be to leave a couple dozen donuts and a couple of pounds of top notch coffee beans at our door.

Be aware that holidays, family events, and most anything remotely public or social can be very hard on us. It’s like planning an expedition or a military campaign every time we leave the house. But also be aware that we want to have social and family time – believe me – and we do wish it were easier.

Be aware that we do not need additional drama in our lives. We have very limited, if any, reserves of energy. Usually these are depleted before 9am. Don’t contribute to our stress.

Be aware that sometimes we fire first and engage in diplomacy later. We are tired, stressed, exhausted, afraid, confused, angry, etc. Much of the time, we just can’t manage those situations as well as we’d like.

Be aware that our primary allegiance is with our children, and no one can compete with that.

Be aware that our children are even more awesome than you can imagine.

And be aware that I still wouldn’t trade my life for anything.

The House That Love Built

2011-03-09T11:59:00.001-08:00

So today is Ash Wednesday. I almost cannot believe that we are already into the month of March - nearly halfway through it. It seems for our family, winter just passed us by (not that it's a bad thing, as Spring does give us so much hope). We barely got through Christmas, really. Liam woke up the day after Christmas with coughing and wheezing, and he went from that illness to the onset of diabetes. From that moment, everything just stopped, or started, depending on how you look at it.

This time last year, I was giving up sugar and red meat. But this year, choosing to give up something just didn't seem like enough, or like the right thing to do. Our eating habits have changed tremendously since Liam's diagnosis, so it isn't even a sacrifice at this point. It's a must.

When Liam was in the hospital, we were kindly offered a room at the Ronald McDonald House, just a block or two from the hospital. The thing to know is, Macon was hit with a terrible ice/snow storm the morning Liam was admitted. So, driving back to Jackson to get belongings (as we had NO idea we were at the ER the night before with a diabetic child and wouldn't go home for days!) just wasn't possible. Before checking in to the RMH, I had no idea what to expect. I had visited the one in Louisville for a college assignment, but other than that, I had not really experienced the house. When we arrived, we were given a quick tour (and I can't tell you how anxious I was to be away from Liam for that 30 minutes, but I think the STAFF understand, so they make the process very quick and efficient). I was blown away with the services they provide, completely free of charge or by donation. Even during the tour, amidst all the emotions of that first day, I knew I would be back to GIVE back.

During the tour, I observed the enormous kitchen, fully stocked with anything and everything you could ever need. Their goal at the RMH is to have a hot meal every night of the year. That's a big goal, really. I mean, think of all the weather-related issues there can be, or the holidays, etc. to have a group or individual committed to cover each evening. It's a big deal. But even during that snow storm, they were preparing ahead and bringing in TONS of extra food in case of an emergency. Churches were bringing in extras. It was amazing.

So, each night, an individual or a group comes in and gladly prepares a meal. One night it was 4-5 different soups and grilled cheeses - perfect for the cold weather. The day we checked out, the counter was full of Stauffer's enchilada dinners thawing out with bags of rice to make a Mexican dinner. Sweet tea is brewed all day so there's never a shortage. All the comforts of home. And all of it is done with love.

So, this Lent, we immediately knew what we wanted to do, and that was to give back to those families staying at the RMH. The meal was so appreciated when we were there, but more than that, the friendly, smiling faces we saw each night after a long day at the hospital meant so much. You just can't put a price on that. They would genuinely ask about our child and how he was doing. And they really cared.

So, we are committing ourselves to going once a week during Lent and hopefully thereafter to cook a (hopefully) delicious, hot meal. This is a house that is built by donations and volunteers, but most importantly, love. There is a full laundry facility, a library, a playroom for siblings, a game room, a treadmill, a dining room, living room, quiet room...the list goes on and on.

In a time of great trauma for our family, it quite possibly saved us.

There was the dream...

2011-02-12T18:46:00.000-08:00

Special Delivery!

2011-02-02T08:52:00.001-08:00

The highlight of our week has been that, so far, every day this week we've received numerous care packages for Liam :) And he is THRILLED!!!

On Monday, he received his care kit from the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, complete with a backpack full of materials and fun stuff for Liam. But the best part about this package is Rufus the Bear. Now the neat thing about Rufus is...he has diabetes, too! He has patches all over his body for blood sugar checks and injections! And they are in all the right places - back of the arm, bottom, thighs, etc. What a wonderful invention!

And he even wears a medical ID bracelet, just like the one Liam will have!

I've never seen a kid get so excited over a blood glucose monitor!

More to come!

My eyes are to the hills.

2011-01-23T09:35:00.000-08:00

I really don't know how anyone gets through life without a faith. I mean, times can be REALLY difficult, and tempting as it can be to lose faith, not having it must be a thousand times worse.

God has been with us our whole lives. God cradled Liam in his arms that night in the ER, and he has continued to cradle our entire family through the ordeal.

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. -Psalm 121:1

Liam's Story

2011-01-12T19:27:00.000-08:00

Thinking about that week leading up to Liam's hospitalization makes me sick to my stomach. But if it helps any other family for me to describe what happened, I have to do it. I would never want another parent to second guess their instincts. I wish now I had known to take him in even sooner, but we literally only had a week of symptoms. It was that fast. And anyone close to me could tell you that I was worried every single day of that week, knowing something wasn't right with him.

Liam was already sick with a cough and allergies. We had taken him to urgent care the week before. I distinctly recall the weird feeling I had when he was weighed and the scale said 37 pounds. Liam was always around 39-40. He was little, but I thought, maybe because he had been sick for a few days, he had lost some weight. The doctor put him on Amoxicillin and a steroid. Almost the next day, or the day after that, he began asking for "cold water" - "REALLY cold water, Mommy." With that excessive thirst came frequent urination. It was constant - he was wetting the bed every night, but he was on these two medications, so we just kept watching it. By the third or fourth day, I knew it wasn't normal. Then, before I could really figure out what to do next, he had an episode of vomiting on the way to a therapy appointment. I thought...okay...maybe the medication made him nauseated. Still, constant thirst and urination.

On Friday afternoon, I called the pediatrician and talked to a nurse. I explained everything that had transpired over the last week. Her response was that it didn't sound like an emergency and he could probably wait until Monday. I was not happy, but then for a moment, I DID wonder if I was losing it. But almost as soon as I hung up, I started to feel again like something wasn't right. When I picked Liam up from school that day, his teacher said, "He was so thirsty all day. You might want to check him for diabetes." My heart sank.

Diabetes? Could it really be?

I had been texting and talking to so many friends and family over the course of the week, and I even said at one point that I've been worried about diabetes. But we had so much other stuff going on with him that I didn't want to allow myself to bring something else to the table unless it really was a possibility.

That same evening, Liam would not swallow food and began vomiting. William just looked at me and said, "We're taking him." We called the on-call nurse, and she said get him to the emergency room immediately.

Hours later, lethargic and dehydrated, the ER doctor spent a lot of time talking to us, trying to figure out every piece of his medical history (and it is a long one). He prepared us - he said, he has all of the flags for diabetes, but it may not be. The hour we waited for bloodwork seemed like days. The longer we waited, the more I knew. I stared at my baby boy drifting in and out, dark circles under his eyes, so thin and weak.

The ER doctor walked in, cell phone in his hand, and said, "Take a guess at what his blood sugar was. Just take a guess. Pick a number." I was stunned at his question, but before I could answer, his phone rang. He answered and said, "Yes, I've got a barely 5 year old with a 940 blood sugar. Type 1 Diabetes. I need the whole team here."

I think my head just started to swirl immediately. I just stared at Liam, lying there. Before the doctor could even talk to us, the nurses ran in and started hooking him up to IVs and insulin. It was the scariest moment we've ever had with him. By far, the scariest.

The ER doctor took me out of the room and said, "You would have found him in a coma had you not brought him. He has Type 1 Diabetes. You saved his life." Words you never want to hear.

Our sweet boy - the one we have prayed and prayed for his whole life - has yet another battle to fight?

They've told us - you will feel fear, denial, shock, anger, pain. You will need counseling. We feel all of it, but mostly, we feel sad. Sad for him. I know that will pass, or maybe it never will. What we have to do now is focus on finger sticks and insulin injections and strict diet....all day...everyday...for the rest of his life.

I wonder when I'll ever be able to trust anyone to take care of him and to know the signs to look for when his blood sugar is dropping or going up. I wonder how I'll trust that the school will take care of him. I wonder how I'll trust MYSELF to know what to do each and every time something goes wrong.

We have to keep juice or cake icing or glucose tablets on hand all the time. We have to always have his meter and insulin and supplies with us everywhere we go. It's 4-5 insulin shots a day and 4-5 finger sticks a day. Diet is very specific and cannot be overlooked or ignored. Ever.

"No, no! Mommy don't hurt me! Don't stick me with that noodle!" is something I'll never get used to hearing. And I'll go hide in the bathroom and cry if I have to each and every time. Not just because I have to give him a shot but because I wish I could take his place and have this horrible disease instead of him.

We want our children to just be healthy. That's it. They don't have to be super stars at everything or at ANYthing. Just healthy. That's all I ever hoped for. So for right now, I'm going to allow myself to feel sad. Not for long, but for a while.

Liam is a brave soul. He truly is.

When someone ever asks me who my hero is, I will proudly say it is my son. The bravest human being I've ever known.

Liam was finally resting well...and he LOVED the red light on his finger :)

Well, there really aren't words to describe how happy he was to see Gagi. She got there in a flash!

We were blessed to be offered a room at the Ronald McDonald House. It was a beautiful home with a hotel-style room, an enormous kitchen with any food or drinks you can imagine, and a homemade meal every night. Just 2 blocks from the hospital. A blessing in a time of despair.

There has been an outpouring of love and prayers and support that William and I could have never imagined. The phone calls, the emails, the messages...we will never be able to thank you enough. We wouldn't even know where to start. All we can say is, thank you for seeing our precious boy the way we see him - a gift from God.

My cousin said to me, "You don't have time to have the nervous breakdown you deserve." That is the most adequate way to describe where I am emotionally at this time. Liam's health is at the forefront of everything we do and it will be forever.

Another cousin said, "One day you will get your reward."

When Liam gets his, that will be ours.

The long road...

2011-01-11T13:28:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, January 8, 2011, in the wee hours of the morning, Liam was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Our lives have forever changed. But our strength and devotion has multiplied, and so has our love for him.

Day 4

2011-01-06T06:11:00.000-08:00

On our way to speech therapy yesterday afternoon, Liam was enjoying his Leapster in the backseat...and I was enjoying my new Train CD. Suddenly, I hear the sound of Liam getting sick...and I mean, getting SICK! I look in my mirror and see his Leapster and his lap covered in it. Oh.my.goodness! What now?! Poor thing was sitting there with his hands up, like, "Clean me, clean me!" and crying because it scared him. So, we pulled into the ONLY gas station on that highway, I grabbed a blanket from the back of the car, cleaned him up a little and we headed back home. No therapy this week :(

This morning when he woke up, he said, "I don't feel quite right." ('Quite right' is his new favorite phrase.) So, no school today either.

So, we are just taking it easy today...and i mean easy.

Breakfast

Detour low-sugar protein bar (I said I wasn't going to eat these every morning, but I actually like them!). 170 calories

1/2 c. skim milk - 50 calories

Lunch

Roasted squash - one piece of squash, sliced length-wise, brushed with olive oil, sprinkled with Paula Deen's silly salt, and topped with a little parmesan cheese...under the broiler for about 5 minutes. Easy Peasy! Squash has very few calories, so I'm estimating UP with the oil, seasoning, and cheese and going with 100 calories.

Cheese Toast - one deli thin, topped with low-fat sharp cheddar and under the broiler for 3 minutes. 150 calories

1/2 a pear - 40 calories

Snack

pretzels - 70 calories

Dinner

So when I said we were taking it easy, I had fully planned for us to finish off leftovers or have a lean cuisine. But then as I started looking at what we had, it seemed like it would be just as easy to make some of those wrap pizzas again. And fewer calories than what I was looking at in our fridge. (For example, I grabbed a Smart Ones pizza that is 370 calories - which is on the higher end of what I usually get with a frozen meal. But a homemade wrap pizza is usually less than that and tastes better!)

So...for me, it was a Flat Out sundried tomato wrap pizza with turkey pepperoni, mozzarella and feta cheeses, oregano and ground flax seed sprinkled on the sauce. It was delicious! 320 calories

Before dessert...I'm at 890.

Dessert

Peanut Butter Cup - 1 Tbsp. natural pb melted, 1/2 cup low fat choc. ice cream, sugar free cool whip...swirled it up - yum! 220 calories

TOTAL for the day: 1110 calories

Day 3

2011-01-05T07:34:00.000-08:00

Wow. Just 3 days of eating like I should, and I feel like I should!

So.much.better!

Breakfast

1/2 c. milk - 50 calories
1/2 of the reduced sugar protein plus power bar - 135 calories

Snack

Pear w/cinnamon and splenda sprinkled - 80 calories

Lunch

Leftover garlic shrimp and broccoli over noodles. Not having as much for lunch as I did for dinner, so fewer calories. 300 calories

Dinner

Pork Chops (dipped in egg whites and skim milk, rolled in whole wheat bread crumbs, crushed cereal, garlic, Paula Deen's silly salt, chili powder, pepper and baked - YUM!), garlic/parmesan green beans, and toasted pine nut couscous. 400 calories

Dessert

"Peanut Butter Cup" - 1/2 c. low fat chocolate ice cream, 1 Tbsp. low glycemic peanut butter melted with a few chocolate chips, and a dollop of sugar free cool whip. Swirl it together and yummy! 200 calories

TOTAL: 1165 calories

Day 2

2011-01-04T06:34:00.001-08:00

I've been suffering from some "getting to sleep" issues. I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but it is really starting to get to me. I can feel tired at around 8:30-9:00 and think, "I'm going to bed." Then I'm tossing and turning for hours, and before I know it, it's midnight. So I'm not waking up as my best self. Once I get a workout routine going, I'm hoping I will sleep better.

I'm keeping today simple on the consumption.

Breakfast

Power Bar* - reduced sugar - peanut butter and chocolate. (Ingles had these 10 for $10, so I grabbed a few to try.) I compared almost the entire shelf full of various health bars, and these had the fewest fat and calories, with only 1 g of sugar (most others have 17 g!). 270 calories

*I got these only for "every now and then" meals. There is no way that I could do these all the time.

Snack

Pear - 80 calories

Lunch

Salad - Romaine, tomatoes, feta cheese, and Olive Garden dressing :) 100 calories

Smart Ones meal - 190 calories

Dinner

Flat Out wrap (sundried tomato) pizzas. We made 3 different kinds so we could each have our own! You just place the tortilla wrap on the baking sheet, spray or brush with olive oil, and bake for about 5-7 minutes to get it a little crisp. Take it out and make your pizza of choice!

For myself, I made a tomato-feta-mozzarella pizza. This is one of my favorite kinds of pizza - I really don't prefer meat on mine. I sliced up on-the-vine tomatoes into chunks and put them in a bowl, drizzled with a little olive garden dressing, sprinkled with garlic, pepper, and oregano. Spread this mixture onto the tortilla, topped with mozzarella, feta, and parmesan cheeses (and I didn't go overboard on the cheese because it had so much flavor from the seasonings).

For William, it was turkey pepperoni and onion. He was thrilled!

For Liam, cheese :)

These all varied in calories, but mine was probably the least because it didn't have the pepperoni, but to be safe, I'm going to give it 350 calories. (And, it was so filling that I only ate 3/4 of it.)

So...for the day (without dessert)...I'm at 990. Not bad!

Dessert

"Banana Split" - 117 calories

TOTAL for the day: 1107

Day 1

2011-01-03T09:59:00.000-08:00

Today had an interesting start. Apparently, I did NOT get the memo that school starts on Tuesday. We drove to his school (with Liam repeating over and over, "I don't WANT to go to school"), all to meet another confused mom at the entrance who said, "Apparently, today is an in-service day." What?!

It's funny how you have intuitions. Last night, just before falling to sleep, I thought to myself, "School DOES start tomorrow, right? I didn't even look at the calendar." I just assumed since most other schools began the Monday after the New Year's holiday, so would Liam's.

Imagine the thrill for Liam. You should have seen his face. It was like Christmas all over again. I swear, sometimes I think he is NOT my child. While I certainly had days of not wanting to go to school, I pretty much couldn't wait to see my friends each day. Not him. Home school would probably be a dream come true for him.

So...my workout routine for the morning was shot. But...that's okay. My diet was not.

My main objective here is low calorie (1200/day), low fat, and low sugar. I've done really well on South Beach in the past, but with the exception of the first time in which I managed to get down to a size 8 (and I look at pictures from that time and think, how in the world did I do it and stay that way?), I've found that it's really difficult to run places and do things on that diet. It's just too restrictive in the first weeks, so one mess up, and you're off track.

I still wonder how I did it back then, though. One thing was, I worked outside the home. And I ate around that schedule, instead of whenever I want. Another thing was, I hadn't been pregnant or had a baby, both of which changes everything. And since having Liam, I've had several miscarriages, which has wreaked havoc on my body. I already have hormonal issues, throw in a few unsuccessful pregnancies and, what is probably PMDD, and most of my days I feel bloated and tired. I am praying a good change of diet and exercise will help me overcome some of this.

So, here begins the journaling. I'm going to try to be as detailed as possible because, if it helps someone else, that's great! Also, it helps me to go back and see what I did right or wrong.

I'm listing the calorie totals - and if anything, I estimate UP, so that I don't fool myself. Sometimes, I don't measure exactly, so I'd rather think it was higher than lower.

Breakfast

PB and Banana Smoothie - 1 Tbsp. pb, banana, skim milk, ice, and blend. 220 calories

Lunch

Romaine salad - romaine, tomatoes, cucumbers, low-fat cheese, Olive Garden dressing (YUM!). 150 calories

Cup of homemade turkey vegetable soup - fat free chicken and beef broth, tomato sauce, leftover turkey from Christmas, fresh carrots, frozen lima beans, can of diced tomatoes, diced red potatoes, onions, Jane's mixed-up salt, garlic. I made a crockpot full of this - I researched other similar recipes and it looks to be around 50 calories per serving. I'm just going with that.

So...even before dinner, I've had 420 calories. It's really NOT hard to do. It requires me staying busy outside of the kitchen. :)

Dinner

Garlic Shrimp and broccoli on a bed of whole wheat noodles...and cheese "toast". I know the noodles are around 200 calories for the serving I had - then the shrimp with broccoli is around 150 maybe. The cheese toast was around 50 calories. So, for the whole dinner - 400 calories.

TOTAL for the day is 820 calories.

And I still have room for dessert :)

Dessert

Yoplait fat free light strawberry shortcake yogurt with a sprinkle of Honey Bunches "Pecan Clusters" cereal - around 150 calories.

COMPLETE: 970 calories

What a new year!

2011-01-02T12:39:00.001-08:00

I'm hopeful. And this is why.

My plans for 2011 aren't really anything spectacular, but if successful, will be life altering. In no particular order, this is how I see my life changing this year:

1. I visualize a healthy, stronger physical body...and a healthier, stronger mental one, as well. We've had plenty of things to endure in the last year, but it was really only the start of it. Now is when we actually 'endure' it, so I'm going to need to be stronger. And so will the rest of my crew.

2. Less Facebook...and more face. That is, face-to-face. The absolute only positive thing I have experienced from Facebook is a reconnection I have made with some of my family and friends that otherwise I probably could not have. Seeing my cousins and their families, chatting with old friends from high school and college, and meeting family I've never known are the reasons I sign on. But, on the other end of the spectrum, some of my relationships that really should be face-to-face, like more immediate family, or people who live in the same small town as I do, are becoming solely facebook relationships. And I just find that absurd. If the only way my family or close friends know about my family life (and I theirs) is through my daily status, then we have more problems than Facebook. So, I'm taking charge of myself in that way. They will have to do the same if they want to know about us. And whatever will be, will be.

3. Speaking of taking charge, I will be from now on. Some of you might laugh and think, well how is that any different from now? (Very funny.) But, there are many things I haven't taken charge of, and from now on, I will. Nobody puts Baby in a corner. Period.

So how will these things come to be?

1. As for my physical self, morning workouts and a special diet are underway. But it's not going to end there. I'm bringing it to my blog as a journal. Bold, I know. What if I fail? Well, IF I do, then the world will know it. But, for me, that in itself is a motivator. I have an amazing friend from college that has transformed herself through, what she calls an 'addiction' to health and fitness, but it's what I call truly LIVING. I wish I had done it years ago, but I didn't, so I have a lot of work to do. And this awesome lady has offered to be my accountability partner, so I jumped at that chance! Here we go!

2. Mental self? Well, there's a lot of baggage, but what I've been told is that when my physical self starts to improve, so will my mental. I'm going to give that some time to do it's thing, but in the meantime, I'm putting some techniques into place. One is, standing up for myself and for my family. No more letting others tell us how things are going to be in certain situations, no more being made to feel bad about doing the right thing for our son, no more ANY of it. I know it will likely make me look like some kind of crazy woman for speaking my mind, but that's only because I've allowed it to go on for so long.

My mother lives by the motto of *DILLIGARA*. If you are unfamiliar, google it. It has now become my motto.

3. How am I going to boycott Facebook? Well, 'boycott' is harsh. I'm just simply staying off of it. Just to show how addicting it had become, I accidentally signed on this morning after announcing that I was taking a break. Purely accidental. But if I'm really working hard at all the other stuff, Facebook should seem like an afterthought.

So, there it is, short and sweet. I'm so excited about 2011 and what it will mean for our family. Liam has already come a long way since his diagnosis, and we are in the process of accessing more services for him. I can't wait to see how he has improved by this time next year.

What I wish for ALL of you is peace...strength...and love.

xoxoxo

It's important that people should know what you stand for. It's equally important that they know what you won't stand for. --Mary H. Waldrip

A Day to be 5.

2010-12-21T11:34:00.000-08:00

December 20, 2010 was officially Liam Day.

It began with cinnamon toast for breakfast - his request.

Mommy and Liam had a little celebration...followed by lots of hugs and kisses :)

What you see him wearing is what he wore all day. His new footie pajamas from Gagi. He will be 15 and still wearing footie pajamas :)

Afternoon snack was, "Hey, Mommy! I want some of my birthday cake!"

He spent his afternoon playing with some of his new toys and games, but he insisted that he have his birthday balloon in his room :)

Then, much to my surprise, he said, "I want my birthday dinner!"

Well, you only turn 5 once...so...he got his birthday dinner :)

Mr. 5 Years Old

2010-12-14T09:21:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, my sweet, sweet boy!

In honor of this milestone, we met with our friend and fabulous photographer, Natalie Shivers, to capture Liam as he is right at this moment in time. The thing to know about Natalie is, she is more than a photographer. She is the "child whisperer" as far as I'm concerned. She can connect with Liam in a way that no other photographer has managed to do. And he will pretty much do anything for her (or her son and assistant, Alex!). We love her for the story she gave us in these pictures.

Only 5 years ago, I was preparing to meet our sweet boy. Then, just like that, he changed us, forever.

His smile lasts forever.

His laugh seems to come from the deepest pit of his belly.

His eyes melt every piece of my heart.

His soul makes me want to begin again.

His spirit can awaken anything or anyone.

His passion reminds me of our purpose.

His love for us humbles me.

He will forever be the very best of who we are.

So thankful...then and now.

2010-11-22T16:53:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving, I am looking back and remembering our very first Thanksgiving with Liam.

Sweet potatoes weren't sweet potatoes unless they ended up all over his face :)

Daddy came to Liam's daycare to enjoy his Thanksgiving dinner! (Note: Only a couple of weeks later, we had to take Liam out of the daycare because he was SO sick all the time.)

Liam was SUCH a good eater back then...I miss that!

He was always very proud of his mess :) That has not changed.

He was determined to win the pumpkin pie battle :)

In "their" words.

2010-11-14T16:13:00.000-08:00

Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

by Ellen Notbohm

from the book Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew (2005, Future Horizons, Inc.)

Reprinted in its entirety with permission of author

Some days it seems the only predictable thing about it is the unpredictability. The only consistent attribute—the inconsistency. There is little argument on any level but that autism is baffling, even to those who spend their lives around it. The child who lives with autism may look “normal” but his behavior can be perplexing and downright difficult.

Autism was once thought an “incurable disorder,” but that notion is crumbling in the face knowledge and understanding that is increasing even as you read this. Every day, individuals with autism are showing us that they can overcome, compensate for and otherwise manage many of autism’s most challenging characteristics. Equipping those around our children with simple understanding of autism’s most basic elements has a tremendous impact on their ability to journey towards productive, independent adulthood.

Autism is an extremely complex disorder but for purposes of this one article, we can distill its myriad characteristics into four fundamental areas: sensory processing challenges, speech/language delays and impairments, the elusive social interaction skills and whole child/self-esteem issues. And though these four elements may be common to many children, keep front-of-mind the fact that autism is a spectrum disorder: no two (or ten or twenty) children with autism will be completely alike. Every child will be at a different point on the spectrum. And, just as importantly – every parent, teacher and caregiver will be at a different point on the spectrum. Child or adult, each will have a unique set of needs.

Here are ten things every child with autism wishes you knew:

1. I am a child first. My autism is only one aspect of my total character. It does not define me as a person. Are you a person with thoughts, feelings and many talents, or are you just fat (overweight), myopic (wear glasses) or klutzy (uncoordinated, not good at sports)? Those may be things that I see first when I meet you, but they are not necessarily what you are all about.

As an adult, you have some control over how you define yourself. If you want to single out a single characteristic, you can make that known. As a child, I am still unfolding. Neither you nor I yet know what I may be capable of. Defining me by one characteristic runs the danger of setting up an expectation that may be too low. And if I get a sense that you don’t think I “can do it,” my natural response will be:Why try?

2. My sensory perceptions are disordered. Sensory integration may be the most difficult aspect of autism to understand, but it is arguably the most critical. This means that the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you but I am really just trying to defend myself. Here is why a “simple” trip to the grocery store may be hell for me:

My hearing may be hyper-acute. Dozens of people are talking at once. The loudspeaker booms today’s special. Musak whines from the sound system. Cash registers beep and cough, a coffee grinder is chugging. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain can’t filter all the input and I’m in overload!

My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn’t quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn’t showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they’re mopping up pickles on aisle 3 with ammonia. . .I can’t sort it all out. I am dangerously nauseated.

Because I am visually oriented (see more on this below), this may be my first sense to become overstimulated. The fluorescent light is not only too bright, it buzzes and hums. The room seems to pulsate and it hurts my eyes. The pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I am seeing -- the space seems to be constantly changing. There’s glare from windows, too many items for me to be able to focus (I may compensate with "tunnel vision"), moving fans on the ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion. All this affects my vestibular and proprioceptive senses, and now I can’t even tell where my body is in space.

3. Please remember to distinguish between won’t (I choose not to) and can’t (I am not able to).

Receptive and expressive language and vocabulary can be major challenges for me. It isn’t that I don’t listen to instructions. It’s that I can’t understand you. When you call to me from across the room, this is what I hear: “*&^%$#@, Billy.#$%^*&^%$&*. . .” Instead, come speak directly to me in plain words:“Please put your book in your desk, Billy.It’s time to go to lunch.”This tells me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next.Now it is much easier for me to comply.

4. I am a concrete thinker.This means I interpret language very literally. It’s very confusing for me when you say, “Hold your horses, cowboy!” when what you really mean is “Please stop running.”Don’t tell me something is a “piece of cake” when there is no dessert in sight and what you really mean is “this will be easy for you to do.”When you say “Jamie really burned up the track,” I see a kid playing with matches.Please just tell me “Jamie ran very fast.”

Idioms, puns, nuances, double entendres, inference, metaphors, allusions and sarcasm are lost on me.

5. Please be patient with my limited vocabulary. It’s hard for me to tell you what I need when I don’t know the words to describe my feelings.I may be hungry, frustrated, frightened or confused but right now those words are beyond my ability to express.Be alert for body language, withdrawal, agitation or other signs that something is wrong.

Or, there’s a flip side to this:I may sound like a “little professor” or movie star, rattling off words or whole scripts well beyond my developmental age.These are messages I have memorized from the world around me to compensate for my language deficits because I know I am expected to respond when spoken to.They may come from books, TV, the speech of other people.It is called “echolalia.”I don’t necessarily understand the context or the terminology I’m using.I just know that it gets me off the hook for coming up with a reply.

6.Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented. Please show me how to do something rather than just telling me.And please be prepared to show me many times.Lots of consistent repetition helps me learn.

A visual schedule is extremely helpful as I move through my day.Like your day-timer, it relieves me of the stress of having to remember what comes next, makes for smooth transition between activities, helps me manage my time and meet your expectations.

I won’t lose the need for a visual schedule as I get older, but my “level of representation” may change.Before I can read, I need a visual schedule with photographs or simple drawings.As I get older, a combination of words and pictures may work, and later still, just words.

7. Please focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do. Like any other human, I can’t learn in an environment where I’m constantly made to feel that I’m not good enough and that I need “fixing.”Trying anything new when I am almost sure to be met with criticism, however “constructive,” becomes something to be avoided.Look for my strengths and you will find them. There is more than one “right” way to do most things.

8. Please help me with social interactions. It may look like I don’t want to play with the other kids on the playground, but sometimes it’s just that I simply do not know how to start a conversation or enter a play situation.If you can encourage other children to invite me to join them at kickball or shooting baskets, it may be that I’m delighted to be included.

I do best in structured play activities that have a clear beginning and end.I don’t know how to “read” facial expressions, body language or the emotions of others, so I appreciate ongoing coaching in proper social responses.For example, if I laugh when Emily falls off the slide, it’s not that I think it’s funny. It’s that I don’t know the proper response.Teach me to say “Are you OK?”

9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns. Meltdowns, blow-ups, tantrums or whatever you want to call them are even more horrid for me than they are for you.They occur because one or more of my senses has gone into overload. If you can figure out why my meltdowns occur, they can be prevented.Keep a log noting times, settings, people, activities.A pattern may emerge.

Try to remember that all behavior is a form of communication.It tells you, when my words cannot, how I perceive something that is happening in my environment.

Parents, keep in mind as well:persistent behavior may have an underlying medical cause.Food allergies and sensitivities, sleep disorders and gastrointestinal problems can all have profound effects on behavior.

10. Love me unconditionally. Banish thoughts like, “If he would just. . . and “Why can’t she. . .”You did not fulfill every last expectation your parents had for you and you wouldn’t like being constantly reminded of it.I did not choose to have autism.But remember that it is happening to me, not you.Without your support, my chances of successful, self-reliant adulthood are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than you might think. I promise you, I am worth it.

And finally, three words:Patience. Patience. Patience. Work to view my autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what you may see as limitations and see the gifts autism has given me. It may be true that I’m not good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don’t lie, cheat at games, tattle on my classmates or pass judgment on other people? Also true that I probably won’t be the next Michael Jordan. But with my attention to fine detail and capacity for extraordinary focus, I might be the next Einstein. Or Mozart. Or Van Gogh.

They may have had autism too.

The answer to Alzheimer’s, the enigma of extraterrestrial life—what future achievements from today’s children with autism, children like me, lie ahead?

All that I might become won’t happen without you as my foundation. Be my advocate, be my friend, and we’ll see just how far I can go.

Please contact the author for permission to reproduce in any way, including re-posting on the Internet.

Ellen Notbohm is author of Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, Ten Things Your Student with Autism Wishes You Knew, andThe Autism Trail Guide: Postcards from the Road Less Traveled, all ForeWordBook of the Year finalists. She is also co-author of the award-winning 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger’s, and a contributor to numerous publications and websites around the world.To contact Ellen or explore her work, please visit www.ellennotbohm.com

Autism Speaks. It's Time to Listen.

2010-10-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

I've been a busy bee this weekend working on a new little project in honor of our son, Liam. A portion of the proceeds will go to Autism research - the remainder will directly pay for Liam's therapies.

These are hand painted (flat ball) ornaments with the Autism puzzle piece on the front (with polka dots for me!) and tied off with Autism Awareness ribbon. I am also doing these on standard round ball ornaments.

*Please note that these are not perfect or professional. Each one is unique and different, just like our kids on the spectrum! But they are all made with love :)

I have left the back side blank for personalization of a name or message.

I have listed these on Etsy (http://www.etsy.com/listing/59224329/autism-aspergers-awareness-christmas) if you or someone you know might be interested. Perfect for a teacher, therapist, grandparent, sibling, or child! OR, you can order from my blog (on the top right hand side) and get them for only $9 each! Shipping is $6.

If you are local or family, etc., please send me an email at Leighlally3@aol.com and we can make payment arrangements.

Thanks for your support!

xoxoxo

Heather

Kentucky bound in 3 days!

2010-10-04T12:31:00.001-07:00

The air I breathe.

2010-09-29T08:26:00.000-07:00

What Asperger's looks like to us.

2010-09-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

This is part of an article I shared with "Autism Speaks - In Our Own Words" - a website/blog specifically for parents to share their own stories. I mentally noted segments of this from the time he was diagnosed - and this is what it looks like now.

Our Asperger’s – not just his.

What Asperger’s Syndrome looks like in OUR home:

It is lining up trains…and trucks…and dinosaurs…and anything else that can be lined up!

It is temper tantrums that other people cannot understand and never will.

It is the most loving little boy, throwing his arms around us a hundred times, saying, “I love you, Mommy!” and “I love you, Daddy!”

It is feeling blessed that he can tell us he loves us.

It is a lollipop in each hand, because everything must be in even amounts.

It is not knowing how to tell the teacher or his classmates “Hello” or “Goodbye” but being able to give and accept hugs.

It is learning his ABCs at 18 months old!

It is not relating to other moms most of the time and wondering what it would feel like if I could.

It is repeating things over and over because it makes sense to him.

It is an intense knowledge of the solar system - and wishing on stars at night.

It is struggling to cope on the soccer field but giving 200% every time.

It is enjoying the after-game snacks and it being all worth it!

It is playing with bubbles.

It is having trouble getting to sleep and not wanting to wake up in the morning.

It is saving his pennies and quarters “for the sick kids.”

It is having a hard time going to the library or the zoo but loving to jump on a trampoline or swim all summer long.

It is swimming underwater with no help at all.

It is one parent not being able to stand on the sideline at soccer games or practice because he is so attached.

It is watching from the fence and bursting with pride anyway.

It is pronouncing “Quetzalcoatlus” better than his parents.

It is exhausted parents who rarely get a break.

It is having so much devotion to their child that they don’t ask for a break.

It is having so much love for their child that they don’t need a break.

It is splashing through every rain puddle.

It is chewing on shirts or blankets because it is calming.

It is a fear of sudden, loud noises because an ordinary noise can be intense.

It is learning to whistle and being very good at it.

It is reliance on routine and having a meltdown when it changes.

It is throwing grass on another kid’s head as a way of saying, “I want to play.”

It is getting so overly excited when a grandparent comes to visit but sometimes not knowing what to say.

It is mastering a computer by the age of 4.

It is Daddy feeling jealous and proud of how skilled his 4 year old son really IS with computers.

It is eating an ice cream cone everyday if he could.

It is a constant need to be snuggled and his parents embracing every second of it.

It is saying “please” and “thank you” more than we could have ever hoped.

It is a rude glance from across the restaurant; it is our son’s giggle that makes us not care.

It is strawberry picking – but mostly just eating!

It is walking on tiptoes because it feels good.

It is not enjoying birthday parties because of all the noise and people.

It is someone telling you that your child is misbehaved or just being a kid. It is you knowing they are wrong.

It is you knowing your child better than anyone else.

It is growing accustomed to leaving events early because he can only handle so much.

It is being amazed with Walt Disney World and riding the same ride over and over and over.

It is tripping over things that anyone else would walk around.

It is being prepared at all times for any potential trigger that will cause a meltdown. It is being exhausted from doing this. It is doing it anyway.

It is helping Mommy in the garden.

It is refusing to color because holding a crayon is difficult.

It is trying to be anything that flies.

It is taking a two hour bath…just because it’s fun!

It is two parents hanging onto each other as tight as they can because to let go is not possible.

It is our beautiful little boy right at the center of it all.

Space Cowboy

2010-09-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

Little man can't decide what he wants to be. Well, I guess that's not entirely true. In the last couple of weeks, we've had the following costume requests:

Bat (not Batman...just a bat)

Astronaut Bat (this combines his desire to be an astronaut when he grows up with his Halloween costume idea)

and now, as of yesterday...

Indiana Jones. The fact that Indiana Jones requires a whip as part of the costume just sent it right up to the #1 spot on his list. I can see potential problems with him having a whip in his hand.

*Take note that the Indiana Jones costume was inspired by trying on his "Western Day" costume for school. He decided to lose the bandana and make himself Indiana Jones with just the hat.

4 years ago...

2010-09-17T06:56:00.001-07:00

Take it in.

2010-09-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

This “In Their Own Words” is by Dorie Deebold, a mother of two children, one who has autism.

Our three-year-old son Pierce has autism – and we try our best to plan routine family outings for him and his older sister that we will all enjoy.

As is typical in any family, there are good outings and not-so-successful ones. For me and my husband who are relatively new to this strange new world, it is increasingly difficult to determine what outings will be a great success, and which may prove difficult for Pierce to navigate.

Before school started this year, we wanted to take a trip to Sesame Place. Knowing how Pierce and his older sister loved the Sesame Street characters, and armed with the confidence that Pierce had experienced water parks this summer with success, we were all excited for a fun day. However, this particular outing would prove to not be one of Pierce’s best. Something about the venue did not work with Pierce’s sensory system on this date, and it was a continuous struggle as we worked through the day of meltdowns, flopping on the ground and the consistent screeching of “We. GO. HOOOOOOOMMMMMMME!!”

As difficult as it was, we were determined to stay and allow Pierce’s sister to enjoy the Park.

Late afternoon came; while Dad and sister were adventuring on rides, I tried to coax Pierce into his bathing suit to try a small water park – which generally he would love. But the sand on his feet, the swim diaper, the direction we chose to walk there – everything seemed to be sending him into sensory overload. It was all too apparent that he could not adjust to this environment today.

I found myself questioning again on this afternoon (knowing full well how non-productive this line of thought can be): Why? Why, why, WHY can’t he tell me? Why can’t he tell me why this day, this place, this particular routine was so hurtful. What was it? The music? We’d been to a festival with bands and he danced the day away just weeks ago. The crowds? It was no more crowded than the boardwalk was last weekend. This mystery of why. Times like these, I desperately wished to get in his mind to see the world from his eyes, to try to unlock this puzzle.

So I retrieved a sobbing Pierce from his curled-up position and wrapped him tightly in a towel. We found a lounge chair in a quiet area by the “Mini Tidal Wave Pool” and both relaxed. I sat there whispering to Pierce how much I loved him, and how proud I was of him for all the work he’s done. Sitting there on a beautiful September day, watching all of the children play, I closed my eyes and felt us both relax from the high anxiety of the day. And we slept.

When we both woke up, Pierce looked up – dazed and tired – and smiled the first smile of the day.

“Pierce, do you think we should head home now?”

“Okay, Mommy?”

And off we went to find Dad and his sister.

Good days and difficult days – I reminded myself. And we can’t appreciate the one without the other.

“In Their Own Words” is a series within the Autism Speaks blog which shares the voices of people who have autism, as well as their loved ones.

Written just for me.

2010-09-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

My dear friend,

I am so sorry for your pain.

Don’t worry; no one else sees it, I promise. To the rest of the world, you’re fine. But when you’ve been there, you can’t miss it.

I see it in your eyes. That awful, combustible mixture of heart-wrenching pain and abject fear. God, I remember the fear.

I see it in the weight of that invisible cloak that you wear. I remember the coarseness of its fabric on my skin. Like raw wool in the middle of the desert. You see, it was mine for a time.

I never would have wanted to pass it on to you, my love. I remember so well suffocating under the weight of it, struggling for breath, fighting to throw it off while wrapping myself in its awful warmth, clutching its worn edges for dear life.

I know that it feels like it’s permanent, fixed. But one day down the line you will wake up and find that you’ve left it next to the bed. Eventually, you’ll hang it in the closet. You’ll visit it now and then. You’ll try it on for size. You’ll run your fingers over the fabric and remember when you lived in it, when it was constant, when you couldn’t take it off and leave it behind. But soon days will go by before you wear it again, then weeks, then months.

I know you are staring down what looks to be an impossibly steep learning curve. I know it looks like an immovable mountain. It is not. I know you don’t believe me, but step by step you will climb until suddenly, without warning, you will look down. You will see how far you’ve come. You’ll breathe. I promise. You might even be able to take in the view.

You will doubt yourself. You won’t trust your instincts right away. You will be afraid that you don’t have the capacity to be what your baby will need you to be. Worse, you’ll think that you don’t even know what she needs you to be. You do. I promise. You will.

When you became a mother, you held that tiny baby girl in your arms and in an instant, she filled your heart. You were overwhelmed with love. The kind of love you never expected. The kind that knocks the wind out of you. The kind of all encompassing love that you think couldn’t possibly leave room for any other. But it did.

When your son was born, you looked into those big blue eyes and he crawled right into your heart. He made room for himself, didn’t he? He carved out a space all his own. Suddenly your heart was just bigger. And then again when your youngest was born. She made herself right at home there too.

That’s how it happens. When you need capacity you find it. Your heart expands. It just does. It’s elastic. I promise.

You are so much stronger than you think you are. Trust me. I know you. Hell, I am you.

You will find people in your life who get it and some that don’t. You’ll find some that want to get it and some that never will. You’ll find a closeness with people you never thought you had anything in common with. You’ll find comfort and relief with friends who speak your new language. You’ll find your village.

You’ll change. One day you’ll notice a shift. You’ll realize that certain words have dropped out of your lexicon. The ones you hadn’t ever thought could be hurtful. Dude, that’s retarded. Never again. You won’t laugh at vulnerability. You’ll see the world through a lens of sensitivity. The people around you will notice. You’ll change them too.

You will learn to ask for help. You’ll have to. It won’t be easy. You’ll forget sometimes. Life will remind you.

You will read more than you can process. You’ll buy books that you can’t handle reading. You’ll feel guilty that they’re sitting by the side of the bed unopened. Take small bites. The information isn’t going anywhere. Let your heart heal. It will. Breathe. You can.

You will blame yourself. You’ll think you missed signs you should have seen. You’ll be convinced that you should have known. That you should have somehow gotten help earlier. You couldn’t have known. Don’t let yourself live there for long.

You will dig deep and find reserves of energy you never would have believed you had. You will run on adrenaline and crash into dreamless sleep. But you will come through it. I swear, you will. You will find a rhythm.

You will neglect yourself. You will suddenly realize that you haven’t stopped moving. You’ve missed the gym. You’ve taken care of everyone but you. You will forget how important it is to take care of yourself. Listen to me. If you hear nothing else, hear this. You MUST take care of yourself. You are no use to anyone unless you are healthy. I mean that holistically, my friend. HEALTHY. Nourished, rested, soul-fed. Your children deserve that example.

A friend will force you to take a walk. You will go outside. You will look at the sky. Follow the clouds upward. Try to find where they end. You’ll need that. You’ll need the air. You’ll need to remember how small we all really are.

You will question your faith. Or find it. Maybe both.

You will never, ever take progress for granted. Every milestone met, no matter what the timing, will be cause for celebration. Every baby step will be a quantum leap. You will find the people who understand that. You will revel in their support and love and shared excitement.

You will encounter people who care for your child in ways that restore your faith in humanity. You will cherish the teachers and therapists and caregivers who see past your child’s challenges and who truly understand her strengths. They will feel like family.

You will examine and re-examine every one of your own insecurities. You will recognize some of your child’s challenges as your own. You will get to know yourself as you get to know your child. You will look to the tools you have used to mitigate your own challenges. You will share them. You will both be better for it.

You will come to understand that there are gifts in all of this. Tolerance, compassion, understanding. Precious, life altering gifts.

You will worry about your other children. You will feel like you’re not giving them enough time. You will find the time. Yes, you will. No, really. You will. You will discover that the time that means something to them is not big. It’s not a trip to the circus. It doesn’t involve planning. It’s free. You will forget the dog and pony shows. Instead, you will find fifteen minutes before bed. You will close the door. You will sit on the floor. You’ll play Barbies with your daughter or Legos with your son. You’ll talk. You’ll listen. You’ll listen some more. You’ll start to believe they’ll be OK. And they will. You will be a better parent for all of it.

You will find the tools that you need. You will take bits and pieces of different theories and practices. You’ll talk to parents and doctors and therapists. You’ll take something from each of them. You’ll even find value in those you don’t agree with at all. Sometimes the most. From the scraps that you gather, you will start to build your child’s quilt. A little of this, a little of that, a lot of love.

You will speak hesitantly at first, but you’ll find your voice. You will come to see that no one knows your child better than you do. You will respectfully listen to the experts in each field. You will value their experience and their knowledge. But you will ultimately remember that while they are the experts in science, you are the expert in your child.

You will think you can’t handle it. You will be wrong.

This is not an easy road, but its rewards are tremendous. It’s joys are the very sweetest of life’s nectar. You will drink them in and taste and smell and feel every last drop of them.

You will be OK.

You will help your sweet girl be far better than OK. You will show her boundless love. She will know that she is accepted and cherished and celebrated for every last morsel of who she is. She will know that her Mama’s there at every turn. She will believe in herself as you believe in her. She will astound you. Over and over and over again. She will teach you far more than you teach her. She will fly.

You will be OK.

And I will be here for you. Every step of the way.

With love,

Jess

http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/welcome-to-the-club/

My Therapy for today :)

2010-09-07T12:23:00.000-07:00

Soccer Mom...or not?

2010-08-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

I always imagined I'd be a soccer mom, given the family I married into. But...during Liam's first soccer practice (in which I had to stand back at the fence so that he wouldn't see me and become distracted), a reality swept over me that I just might not get the "privilege" of being a soccer mom. Liam did just as we had read he might do: not look his coach in the eye, not engage in appropriate conversation with his peers, scream when he didn't understand the concept of the game. Oh yeah, and after repeatedly throwing himself on the ground screaming every time he didn't get the ball or someone kicked it away, then he threw in a curve ball: grabbing the ball and running off the field in an attempt to say, "I'll show you!" Coaches and parents found it hysterical, but they aren't raising him. They don't know what this REALLY means.

It's impossible to explain these behaviors to someone who just wants to tell you how you need to discipline your child. Or how having Asperger's doesn't give them an excuse for bad behavior. We are about to embark on a weekend of SERIOUS reading with our new Asperger's books - and I would say that anyone who feels the need to tell us this really needs to pick up an informative book on the syndrome. The very essence of the disorder is that is causes the child to have "meltdowns" that seem inappropriate for their age - not because they are spoiled but because they cannot deal with emotions in the same way that other children can.

So, it's not an excuse. It's the reason.

Honk if You are a “Spectrum Mom”

This fall, my husband and I finally put our reliable 1995 Dodge Intrepid out to pasture and bought a cool 2005 Chrysler SUV. The Intrepid took us through many memorable road trips and safely saw us through a decade of New England winters, but it was time to get a vehicle roomier to accommodate not only my son’s growing legs, but also the ever-increasing mileage we seem to put on our cars.

When the unsuspecting young salesman suggested to me that perhaps a mini-van might best suit our driving needs, I nearly snapped his head off in my reply, “You’ll see me dead before I’ll drive a mini-van.” After pulling the poor guy off the floor, I apologized as I dusted him off and inwardly asked myself what was wrong with me? What is it that makes me sensitive to something so seemingly innocent as the suggestion of driving a mini-van? After some soul searching, the answer became obvious: it’s an association. I associate mini-vans with the stereotypical idea of “soccer mom,” and I am anything but a soccer mom.

Now, I don’t like to think of myself as a judgmental person. In fact, because of the experience of mothering two children with autism spectrum disorder I’ve learned how painful judgment can be when on the receiving end of it, so I try my best to live the golden rule: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” Therefore, I’ve picked my own brain to get at the roots of my distain for any association with “soccer moms,” as I know there are many soccer moms out there who are very nice ladies (I actually know some), but I think I’ve dug down to the truth and figured out what my hang-up is all about.

When my daughter was around five, many moons ago, she was fully included in the local Kindergarten/ Daycare. All the parents were excited that their kids were of the age to begin recreational soccer. Being a pioneering parent of inclusion in my small town, I signed my girl up for soccer with all her peers and hoped for the best. Needless to say, it was a disaster. My daughter would tantrum when she didn’t get the ball kicked to her, and if she had the ball, she would tantrum when another kid tried to kick it away. She cringed at the sound of the coach’s whistle, became distracted by a bystander’s dog, and picked handfuls of grass in the field to throw over her head. I couldn’t assist her in the practices as I was too busy running after my toddler son, also on the spectrum, who kept heading for the soccer ball on the field, and more frightening, for the woods that lined the field.

Soccer practice was a nightmarish failure, on display to a community that didn’t know how to support us and didn’t seem interested in doing so anyway (I’m sure there were exceptions, but I was too distracted and hurt to notice). Soccer practice was the realization that no matter how much I might support my kids, there were some things that they wouldn’t be able to do successfully. I think this is where my distain for the term “soccer mom” stems from: that early realization that my life as a mother of two children with autism was so different, so removed, and so alien to all those other mothers on the sidelines. I was resentful that they had the luxury of chatting with each other without worry and distraction, spending those lovely fall afternoons making social connections that would tie them to the community while I, tearfully leaving the soccer field with a screaming child under each arm, developed a distain for soccer and all the “normal” moms that happily experienced the sport through their “normal” kids.

Time and wisdom heals old wounds (and allows old soccer balls to deflate and wind up on the bottom of a pile of unused toys in the basement). But seeing me in my SUV, frazzled and disheveled, with my two good looking kids, zooming them from here to there, cell phone to my ear with papers loosely flapping in the back seat, one might easily mistake me for a soccer mom, too. I can’t let that happen. I’ve worked too hard at the autism thing to be mistaken for a parent who has a social life centered on recreational sports. Alas, I am the antithesis of Soccer Mom….I am Spectrum Mom!

The increasing miles put on my car are not for soccer and dance practices, or taking my kids to social outings at the mall or a friend’s house, or to get to the gym for some “me time” at a Pilates class. Instead, my mileage compiles going to and from two different school districts, to therapies half a state away from where we reside, to Special Olympics events, to conferences and appointments regarding autism, IEP’s, transitional services, medication management, legislative issues, and stopping at various drive through restaurants for those French fries that seemingly sustain my son’s very life. I do not chat on my cell phone with friends or neighbors about the latest town gossip, or to complain about how busy my children are with their friends. Instead, I use my cell phone to communicate with the vast network of people with whom I work and I’m involved because of autism.

We are another species from another culture, we Spectrum Moms. Vastly different from Soccer Moms, and yet with slight similarities that may confuse the untrained eye. I want people to be clear about who we are because we deserve the respect that is inherent to working so darned hard. I’ve even designed a car magnet to mock the “soccer mom” magnets so we will recognize each other on the road when the rocking figure in the passenger seat is not obvious enough for us to notice one another. I am proud of all my sisters, Spectrum Moms, as I am of myself, for “perseverating” in the face of indifference, for finding unending strength, courage, and humor in the little things, and for insisting that the world see the beauty in our children as we see it.

So if you see me out on the road with a donut hanging out of my mouth and a “Spectrum Mom” car magnet where you might expect to find a soccer mom decal, honk if you are a Spectrum Mom, too! Your smile, amidst the bags under your eyes and through the Chicken McNugget grease on your car window, will make my day!

Viki Gayhardt is the proud mother of two children with ASD, a board member of the Autism Society of New Hampshire, and a autism family support specialist.

Disclosure.

2010-08-20T20:53:00.000-07:00

Our son, Liam, has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. He is 4 years old and is the most loving child. We are extremely proud to be his parents.

Liam is extremely bright with above average intelligence, but it is difficult for him to hold a pencil to write his name. He is cheerful and content one minute and easily upset the next. If we had not pushed for further testing and evaluation, Liam may have been viewed as other children whose parents just think their child is misbehaved, doesn't listen, and doesn't talk or communicate. He could easily have been labeled a bad child, when the truth is, he has Asperger's Syndrome. Many of his "meltdowns" he simply cannot help. He is not rude, shy, weird, or bad. He is an "Aspie" :)

Asperger's Syndrome is a neurobiological disorder on the higher end of the Autism spectrum. Individuals with Asperger's have normal to high intelligence, and can function in day to day life. But socially, they struggle. They often do not know how to approach other children and begin conversation. They may stand back and appear awkward, or they may shut down and even cry. Or, they may act in a way that seems inappropriate for their age. Attending a birthday party might be a a stressful occasion for Liam and exhausting for us, as he usually doesn't understand the transitions between games, singing the birthday song, and opening presents. He doesn't always understand what he is supposed to do when he's there. Children with AS often play around other children and talk AT them instead of TO them. They sometimes will repeat words or phrases over and over. They tend to be loners and, in school, may be called "different." They usually have obsessions, sometimes with very odd subjects. At 18 months old, Liam became extremely obsessed with trains. But he also became very upset when the trains were moved out of order. But at the young age of 2, he knew the difference between a freight train and a diesel engine, and so on. His current obsession is dinosaurs. He quickly learns more about each dinosaur than most adults could ever learn. Next week it might be the solar system.

Because not many people know about Asperger's, it is often misdiagnosed with conditions like ADHD, Bi-Polar Disorder, (manic-depressive) and sometimes even Epilepsy. People with AS have a strong sense of smell, taste, and sound. Liam can be in the living room and tell immediately when I open the peanut butter jar by the smell. He has a high sensitivity to sudden, loud noises - a toilet flushing, a semi truck passing, or a group of children singing causes him to cover his ears. They sometimes have what most would consider a "temper tantrum" over something that typically involved a change in routine. They are extremely reliant upon routine and pattern, so transitions are difficult. Children with AS often are slow at speaking, and struggle with fine motor skills. They are often very difficult to potty train, yet they excel in other areas. They have a hard time understanding slang or sarcasm, as they take everything as its literal meaning. Some have difficulty expressing emotion or reading others' emotions or expressions. We have called Liam "quirky" for the last two years because it is difficult to put your finger on what it is about them that is different, but once you learn about it, you can detect these traits.

We were given a diagnosis this week, and the days following have been an emotional roller coaster. Relief, sadness, fear, anxiety, and then relief again. And then fear. We now know the measures to take to help him, but we know it's like starting all over again. We will have to try to prevent every little thing in his life from becoming an obsession (and what might be a normal interest in a child can very easily become an obsession with him overnight), we will have to intentionally change routines in order to teach him that sometimes things do change (because his emotions are not connected to his brain to help him cope with that), we will have to teach him how to socialize, he will literally have to learn how to read social cues, he will spend his life learning to imitate the correct way to respond to others because he was not born with the ability to do it naturally.

But...he is still Liam. He is still the loving, sweet, smart little boy that we love so much. He just happens to have Asperger's.

Tulips have always been my favorite...

2010-08-19T16:23:00.001-07:00

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Our news today...

2010-08-17T21:36:00.000-07:00

The first week...a success!

2010-08-16T07:58:00.001-07:00

We are 4 for 4 on the coloring!

2010-08-13T07:10:00.000-07:00

Thursday's artwork!

Day 3 was a great day.

2010-08-11T10:08:00.001-07:00

Second Day of 4K

2010-08-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

Last Days of Summer...

2010-08-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

Little Mr. 4K

2010-08-05T22:25:00.001-07:00

Each year with Liam has brought us SO MUCH JOY. He must be the sweetest, most loving child we could have ever hoped for. He has quirks, that's for sure. But with those comes a wonderful, creative, intelligent little boy. What more could two parents hope for?

August 2006

It seems like we've sometimes been dealt some unusual worry and stress with him...medically and now developmentally. We've never really known what came first. Was his speech delayed because he couldn't hear from all the ear infections? Does he prefer to play alone in a classroom because, for so long, he didn't communicate verbally? Will he not sit at the table and color with the other children because...he just can't sit still? Or does he really think coloring is pointless when there are lots of other, more interesting things he could be doing?

August 2007

I won't go into the specific behaviors that are particularly concerning, but we are now to the stage of seeing a developmental pediatrician to help us find out why he does, or doesn't, do certain things that other children his age are doing. Let's just say, we are hoping that, with all the various specialists, we can figure him out this year and work toward improvement. There will be some extensive testing and observation, and we are just praying for good news.

August 2008

In the meantime, we prepare for him to begin 4K on Monday. What an exciting time this is! He met his new teacher at Open House tonight, and she is amazing! He already knew her from being at this school for the past two years, but I think she's really going to help him in a lot of ways this year. He was very excited about finding his name on the table and collecting his new Lightning McQueen folder and "goodie" bag :) We got to fill out a sheet with all of Liam's favorites (breakfast food, special toy, song, cartoon character) to help them all get to know each other the first week. He will meet a lot of new friends in his class, and we are just so excited for him! His face just lit up the entire time we were there :)

August 2009

We are praying for a wonderful year for our entire family. It's time for things to turn around with us, and I think the time is now.

Another Summer (Almost) Gone

2010-07-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

At the end of July, I always tend to get into a little "slump." I know exactly why. It's because of the hustle and bustle that lies ahead with school starting. Once it starts, I'm fine. It's the anticipation that I have trouble with...and the departure from days like this with nothing to do but soak up the sun.

Liam will be in 4K this year, and that means one more year until he officially begins his "school years" - what?! I swear it seems like I just had him. Where did the time go?

Oh yeah, it was filled with summers just like this. Swimming, vacations, trips to Kentucky and Florida, cook outs, more swimming, playgrounds, tomatoes off the vine, summer storms (which I love!), watermelons and peaches, and cold, sweet tea on a HOT Georgia day.

So...to a summer that still isn't over...I toast my glass. And today, it's Paula Deen's sweet tea recipe with a spring of pineapple mint :)

Tybee Time

2010-07-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

On Tybee Island...

...you're on Tybee time.

So you do what you want, when you want.

And we did.

Beautiful Beginnings...

2010-07-16T15:37:00.001-07:00

Released.

2010-07-15T20:06:00.001-07:00

So the new Mommy went home today, but as someone close said...I don't think she'll be too far away from Baby H.

The days feel like months. I look forward to seeing my dear friends and meeting their new little one. I'm counting the days.

Released...but never REALLY released. This is a journey to last a lifetime.

We prayed for this child and the Lord has granted us what we asked of Him. -I Samuel 1:27

Miracle Baby

2010-07-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

The baby of my dear friend was born prematurely - weighing barely 2 pounds - and is the strongest 2 pounder I've ever known.

No one will ever convince me that miracles aren't at the hands of God.

For sweet Baby H:

May you always walk in sunshine.
May you never want for more.
May Irish angels rest their wings
beside your nursery door.

-An Irish Blessing

Is there anything sweeter...

2010-07-07T06:53:00.000-07:00

...than a Georgia peach?

I think not.

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T10:49:00.000-07:00

"It's Time to Remember the Magic."

2010-06-09T10:02:00.000-07:00

Makes no difference what age you are...

Me, at the Crystal Palace in the Magic Kingdom, 3-4 years old.

Me, Kristi, and David - on the skylift in the Magic Kingdom

It's still like the first time...every time.

Liam meeting Daisy (his crush) for the first time.

Christie and Liam meet again... - 2009

Daddy and Liam riding Dumbo - 2009

Breakfast with Tigger!

Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin

Daddy and Liam on the Speedway ride :)

Carousel - Magic Kingdom

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. ~Walt Disney

Glory, Glory

2010-05-31T11:01:00.001-07:00

"If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag."

Hallelujah.

2010-05-13T22:38:00.000-07:00

Emotions are running high this week. Across the board among my friends and family, but especially in my own little family.

We have been praying for our little boy from the day he was born, but the prayers poured more and more with each illness, each setback, and each hurdle. There isn't a THING this child can't endure. And it's a good thing he's as strong as he is because he has had to be.

This week we are facing a "new" journey ahead with more doctors and specialists. We've been working on a number of issues with him that just haven't seemed to connect, but with the help and support of loving family and friends, we have finally found ourselves in the hands of the experts who can hopefully get us moving in the right direction. He is such a special, loving little boy. I am anxious to see the pieces come together for him.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

Jolly Holiday.

2010-05-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

It is a very rare occasion that we get to enjoy a Broadway show, but tonight, a dream will be coming true for me. William's parents are sending us to see "Mary Poppins" on Broadway for my birthday - at the Fox Theater in Atlanta. I could not be more thrilled!

Since I was a little girl, I have had a fascination with "Mary Poppins" - and an enormous crush on Bert :) As a child, I can remember every Thanksgiving weekend, the movie would come on television. We watched it from start to finish, and I loved every part of it.

Mary is magical. She really is. And tonight should be nothing less than that.

"Mommy lets me help in the garden."

2010-05-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

The big surprise was revealed today:

It reads: "Mommy lets me help her in the garden. We like strawberry. Mom lets me play Batman and Robin."

"Mommy, I made you a pretty butterfly!"

Where do the years go? It seems like just yesterday that I was picking up a dropped pacifier, or warming a bottle.

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." ~Abraham Lincoln

To the woman...

2010-05-07T05:09:00.000-07:00

...who is still working as hard as ever.

Thank you, Mom, for everything you continue to do for EVERYONE else, while still working a full-time job.

Happy Mother's Day!

9 to 5...yeah, right.

2010-05-06T12:49:00.000-07:00

So, I found this quite funny today. You may not, unless you're a mother.

I was super excited that I had THREE "$10 off a $10 item" JcPenney coupons. So, after dropping off Liam at school, I headed to the store and knew I had just a short amount of time to make the best use of these coupons and still get back to pick him up. I didn't have a clue what I was looking for, but I did vow to buy myself at least ONE thing.

Once I spotted the adorable summer section, complete with kid chairs, cool sippers, fun plates, and all kinds of fun stuff, I never even made it to the adult section.

How is that??? Even with Mother's Day almost upon us, I still ended up getting nothing for myself. Well, that's not entirely true. The awesome stuff I got (for a grand total of about $1.97 of my own expense) will definitely make summer days more fun for all of us :)

As I was scanning the island full of summer items, an employee walked by and noticed I was checking out these cute little pails they had, each with a different theme, full of related items. One was pink with a cookie mix in it, one was a "lemonade stand" pail (complete with the sign, lemonade mix, etc.), and then there was just one green one left. The employee says, "Oh! Aren't those cute?! They even have one where you can make a mudpie (seriously?!), and it has gummy worms in it, too." I grabbed the last green one, perfect for my son...and again, perfect for me :)

So, here's what LIAM got today:

a new collapsible summer chair covered in turtles, with the wide armrest/cupholder (perfect for the lake and beach (it was $30, 50% off, and then the $10 coupon made it $5!),

mudpie bucket (free),

Buzz Lightyear sipper, bowl, and placemat (cost me $1 something), and

a set of old-fashioned popsicle trays (free).

Here's what MOMMY got:

1 hour of peaceful shopping :)

Happy Mother's Day to ME!!!!

Our Mothers.

2010-05-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

Mothers look different from other women. Their hair isn't always done in the latest style, and sometimes, it isn't done at all.

A mother is a woman who can bake a cake with six other hands helping her and still have it turn out fine.

A mother's shoulders sometimes smell of sour milk, and you may notice safety-pin holes in her clothes - even her Sunday best.

Mothers frequently have runs in their stockings. Likely as not, Junior didn't park his trike off the sidewalk.

A mother likes chicken wings and backs and the hamburger that is slightly burned - things the kids and Daddy don't care for. She never takes the last chop on the plate, and she always saves the candy from her tray at the club to bring home.

A mother is someone who can repair the kitchen sink with only her hands - after Daddy has spent a lot of time trying with tools and plenty of cuss words.

When a mother dies, she must face Him with her record of accomplishments. If she's done a good job of caring for her children, she'll get the most sought-after position in heaven, that of rocking baby angels on soft white clouds and wiping their celestial tears with the corner of her apron.

Written by Wanda Beal

A May Day

2010-05-03T14:05:00.000-07:00

I don't care how many interesting Derby hats you see at Churchill Downs, nothing tops two little girls dressed like this to celebrate the Run for the Roses.

It reminds me of something Kristi and I would have done at this age. (Except, most likely, my dress would have ended up torn and my hat destroyed, while Kristi's dress and hat would have remained perfectly intact!)

Thanks, Dave, for sending me such great pictures of your girls :)

Run for the Roses...

2010-04-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

Tough girls come from New York. Sweet girls, they're from Georgia. But us Kentucky girls, we have fire and ice in our blood. We can ride horses, be a debutante, throw left hooks, and drink with the boys, all the while making sweet tea, darlin'. And if we have an opinion, you know you`re gonna hear it. ~Ashley Judd

Secretariat - 1973 - became the first U.S. Triple Crown champion in 25 years.

I dare any of you native Kentuckians to hear this song and not get teary. It's pretty much impossible.

This will be my second year in a row to NOT be in my home state during the Kentucky Derby. I actually thought I would be there this Derby, but with the recent unexpected events in our family, and the two trips home, I knew I couldn't make it back so quickly.

Sooo many great Derby memories:

They go way back to childhood when our whole family would have a big Derby party and we'd all "draw horses" from a hat. Our earnings were usually one or two dollars. Big gamblers! :)

I remember being intrigued by the horse "Unbridled" in 1990 - and then it won.

I'll never forget one of my earliest infield experiences with Zeke, Christie, and Peter. Wow, the things we saw! I don't even know if I saw a horse that year.

Then the year William and I were so poor that we decided to take the opportunity to work the Oaks and Derby as tellers (taking the bets). What an experience it was to be on the OTHER side of the window with a bunch of drunk, confused betters...most of whom considered you personally responsible if the horse they picked did not win, place or show. But, the perk was the great tips from those same happy gamblers who might have won a buck or two by getting in your line.

I'll always love the fact that, no matter what the odds are, William ALWAYS picks the winning horse. Always.

My favorite year was 2007 when we went again with Christie and Peter, but to the paddock. Ahhh...to actually dress the part. The dress, the hat, the shoes. Is there any other sporting event where you can go and feel rich even when you're not?!

Watching the tear-jerking stories of each horse's history and how they came to be a contender...the owner's story...the trainer's story...the jockey's story...all part of the Kentucky Derby tradition.

I think what I love to see the most is the way the Derby winner seems to "know" they won - it's in their prance when they finish the race.

So, this weekend, I'll be honoring my Kentucky pride from the state of Georgia...likely sipping on sweet tea instead of a mint julep (not that I ever could thoroughly enjoy a mint julep).

Liam celebrated his first Derby with his very own hat - May 2006

A tribute to the past decade of Kentucky Derby winners...

Charismatic - 1999

Fusaichi Pegasus - 2000

Monarchos - 2001

War Emblem - 2002 (William picked this one early on)

Funny Cide - 2003

Smarty Jones - 2004

Giacomo - 2005

Barbaro - 2006 (R.I.P. beautiful Barbaro)

Street Sense - 2007

Big Brown - 2008 (very special to our family...)

Mine That Bird - 2009

To anyone who hasn't experienced in the Kentucky Derby, you're really missing something special.

Written by me in 2007, after returning from the Derby

I don't know what it is about Churchill Downs that gives me an incredible rush, but it just does. Yesterday was no exception.

As we drove up Southern Parkway toward the track, I started to get those excited butterflies in my stomach. They aren't the butterflies that make you want to be sick, they are the kind that make you think, "I'm about to part of something pretty incredible!"

Even as we were searching for one of those "cheap" $15 parking spots, I became a little preoccupied at the ladies (and guys) walking in dressed from head to toe in Derby attire. The hats are amazing! Soon after accepting a parking spot for $20, in the hopes that we would still have a car when we left, we made our way to Gate 10. This was going to be my first year of dressing up, wearing a hat, and NOT going to the crazy infield. You can imagine my excitement.

For those of you who have not been to the Downs, the Paddock area is usually where you hang out if you don't have actual seats in the Grandstand. So, that's where we headed to meet up with our friends. Even as we were walking to get to the Paddock, I was nearly skipping at the thought of, "I am actually going to see a horse." Wow! Even better, I just might see the Queen of England! (Or Bruce Willis, George Strait, Kid Rock) Any of those would do.

Well, we did see the Queen, and William saw Kid Rock. I passed a few famous athletes along the way, as well. But let me just say, being star struck is nothing compared to the feeling of watching the Kentucky Derby with my very own eyes. Having the absolute privilege of singing, "My Old Kentucky Home" with thousands of other people from all over the world, listening to everyone screaming for their horses because they literally bet their last dollars on the ones they swear are going to win it, hearing that famous trumpet call which tells you the horses are posting, and then seeing them open out of that gate and run like they've never run before. It's like magic.

If anyone wants to experience Kentucky, they need to experience the Kentucky Derby. You don't have to wear a hat and you don't have to drink a Mint Julep. You don't even have to pick the right horse (we sure didn't!). Just be a part of it - it's something special.

If you build it...

2010-04-25T20:31:00.001-07:00

...they will play in it for hours.

I sort of always knew we'd build Liam a sandbox, but because I wasn't sure how long we'd be here, I kept putting it off. Then I realized this spring that if we were going to do it, he would probably get the most enjoyment out of it this summer. So...we got our supplies on Friday afternoon...had to break from it due to all day rain on Saturday...but finished it on Sunday.

He was so stinkin' excited about having his own sandbox...that he just kept calling it a sandcastle until it was built. And let me tell you...once it was built, well, I think he played in it for 2 hours straight. (Why didn't we think of this sooner?)

Liam helped with every bit of building it, and actually, it appears in these pictures that Liam is doing most of the work! ;)

Well, I guess William did a LITTLE of the work :) I'm not sure this pocket-knife saw was going to do the job, though...

But...with the help of Grandpa's saw, the sandbox was built on Sunday afternoon!

Look who had to try it out first.

Wow! "This is MY house," he said.

Just in case it rains...

Well, someone has to have the job of hanging on it :)

I look so cute doing it :)

Transporting it to its final location.

There must always be dinosaurs.

Looking out our window, two hours later...

...pure bliss (for all 3 of them).

The prime purpose of being four is to enjoy being four - of secondary importance is to prepare for being five. ~Jim Trelease

It's Earth Day...everyday!

2010-04-22T07:16:00.000-07:00

"There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. We are all crew."

-Marshall McLuhan Communications theorist, educator, philosopher

Yesterday I made Earth Day treats for Liam's class - completely spontaneous decision, but thank goodness for it because it REALLY got me thinking about our planet.

(By the way, these were basically rice crispy treats but with cheerios...)

Something else that really got me thinking about our planet was a show I caught on television last night called, "Food, Inc." -- the part I saw included farmers talking about how consumers really need to view themselves as MORE than consumers...that we need to lose our thinking that we can only choose from what's at our supermarket. "Be one with the land" was the theme. As my interest in gardening has grown over the last few years from simply flowers to vegetables, I can truly appreciate that concept. I've already made full use of my herb garden...and once I can figure out how to keep my happy deer and rabbits out of my veggies, I will start the garden!

This is the container garden I made last year...which the deer enjoyed more than we did :(

This year, I am actually going to get an area tilled up.

And I'm also going to use every trick known to mankind to let this garden live!!! :)

Here are just a FEW ways you can spend Earth Day with your family. Today, I am hanging clothes on the line instead of using the dryer. (I get that from my mother.)

A fun craft!

Earth Jug Planter - use milk jug, blue and green felt, cotton balls, glue.

Then fill it with some rocks, potting soil, and plant seeds!

Here are some things I found online that you can do!

Your kids can:

Shut off the water when they brush their teeth
Walk, ride a bike or take the bus instead of traveling by car
Take faster showers or baths in just a small amount of water
Help hang clothes on the line instead of putting them in the dryer
Choose products that are not over packaged

Make nature crafts. Make a bird feeder to encourage the local bird population, which plays an important role in every ecosystem.

Get children to recycle their old toys and games. By giving their old toys and games to younger children who could make use of them, older children learn two lessons: One is about giving to others and the second is about reusing and recycling instead of throwing things away.

Wear green and/or brown. Dress in environmental colors for the day; think "tree"!

Cook a special Earth Day meal. Plan a menu that uses locally produced foods, is healthy and has minimal impact on the environment.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth... God saw all that he had made, and it was very good." (Genesis 1:1, 31)

Blooming Heart.

2010-04-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

No matter what winter slump I'm in, the slightest hint of a spring blossom brightens my spirit.

One thing I miss dearly is my garden at our old house (I say "old" but it's only been 2 years since we moved). Still, I drove by our house last week to see how the plants were coming along, and it was so exciting to see that all my hard work had paid off. The gardens were FULL and overflowing with tulips, irises, lilacs...not to mention all the green from the anticipated summer blooms. I miss that.

Tulips, Daffodils and Phlox - blooming now at the old house

We do have some BEAUTIFUL azaleas blooming here at our house in Georgia...and I've looked forward to their arrival this year.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Nostalgic.

2010-04-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

There's just something about going back home. This trip, in particular, sent me back to my roots.

A video from way back...before my time.

Is there more to life...

2010-04-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

...than this?

The Queen...

2010-04-09T06:11:00.000-07:00

My beautiful great-aunt, Leona, is 89 years old. She has outlived all of her siblings, including my grandfather (her baby brother) who passed away just a few weeks ago. Now, I am waiting anxiously by the phone to hear that this morning's news of her condition isn't bad news.

What I really wish is that I could go back 28 years, when I was 5 years old, watching "Days of Our Lives" with her at lunch time, sitting at her table at 3 a.m. having a middle-of-the-night snack, playing "Fluffy" and "Crybaby" with her feet, being forced to watch "White Christmas" for the very first time and thinking now, "Oh, how I love that movie!", going to Mike Linnig's every summer, Florida trips every year, having the biggest stack of pancakes on Saturday mornings, playing "school" on her front porch, and oh, the shopping trips! The woman could shop like nobody's business.

But, here I am, turning 33 tomorrow, and feeling like those days are a lifetime away. I do know that if she passes today, it will have been a long, hard, but happy life she lived.

Top 11...revisited

2010-04-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

I posted this entry last year and received an overwhelming number of emails asking me add to the list with THEIR top annoyances. This is, by no means, a gripe session. It's simply a way to explain some of the top manners/etiquette grievances that have been shared with me over the last year or so. As I mentioned in the original entry, I put some of these into my own words, and some of them, I took directly from the source. You never know how you might be treating people, or how you might come across. If anything good comes of this, I hope it's fresh perspective. Enjoy!

My friends from all over have shared with me some of the most annoying lack of manners (or etiquette) in public places, the workplace, in their homes, in their friends' homes...pretty much any location. You will most likely recognize some of these as your own that you have mentioned either on Facebook or in a conversation...but put into my own words.

I have taken them all into careful consideration and am bringing them to you in what, I believe, are probably THE Top 11 annoyances to which people really should pay close attention. After compiling the list, what was most alarming to me was how very "common sense" these items are. But isn't that sort of the theme of bad manners? We can be incredibly intelligent in ways that don't really amount to a hill of beans, but in very basic manners, we can seem like children.

Some are quite funny and some are pretty serious. Thanks for sharing!

1. If someone (you don't even know!) holds open a door for you, thank them. There are no exceptions to this rule. They could have just let it slam shut in your face, in which case I am sure you would have been raging under your breath about how rude they were.) Manners, people. Free at your local Thinking Cap.

2. Do not, under any circumstances, imply, suggest, or question whether or not a woman is carrying life inside her body. The reason you asked DOES NOT MATTER AND NEVER WILL. I don't care if her cute "babydoll" top looks maternity, or if "the way (she) is standing" makes her belly protrude, or even the fact that her water broke. Warning: If you do cross this forbidden line, you will be sorry if she is, in fact, not pregnant.

3. Passing-gas-in-the-grocery-aisle-and-letting-someone-unaware-walk-right-through-it-is-just-plain-obnoxious.

4. For crying out loud, wipe down the exercise equipment. Not every other time, not every third time, EVERY time. I don't want to sit in your sweat any more than you want to sit in mine. Germs, cooties, whatever. Clean it up. And make sure someone SEES you cleaning it up.

5. Just because you're family doesn't mean you're "free to pass Go" and collect rights to saying just whatever rolls off your tongue. (Of course I have similar thoughts of you, I just don't say it aloud. It's called, "I'm not perfect myself so why do I think I can judge you?") Keep in mind that, as we age, our need for approval from family is less and less. That means you, my dear sister, or you, my dear aunt. You always maintain the right to your opinion. Just don't be surprised when someone tells you to take you and your choir elsewhere. Support and encouragement? Absolutely welcomed and appreciated. Unnecessary criticism, unwarranted judgment, and talking to me like I'm still 5 years old? Pretty much a waste of your time.

6. Do not ever put your feet up on my couch...especially when you're wearing shoes. Ever.

7. In the store aisle, why are you "lingering" around the same items someone else is already studying? You know you aren't really looking for that same thing - you're just being nosy! Just stand back so they can finish. Seriously. If you have time to linger around, you have time to wait.

8. Belching, burping, whatever you want to call it. Look, I know it has to come out somehow. Why anyone would think it should come out at the dinner table, or in a room where people are still eating, is beyond me. Just because you finished your meal first doesn't mean that the rest of us should be victim to your grossness. You're HOW old? Grow it on up.

9. Kids. They are kids. They will BE kids. They will ACT like kids. They will NOT act like grown ups because they are NOT grown ups. In fact, even some of the grown ups they are around don't act like grown ups. So, if you're the one who is ridiculously impatient with children and with what goes along with the behavior and misbehavior of them, it would probably do you well to either a) get over it, or b) get over it. Before you know it, you'll be the one they are complaining about with all your temper tantrums over how the kids are acting.

10. Speaking of acting like a child, when you make fun of people, it's SO unattractive in about a thousand ways. I won't list them all, but just know that being the "smart ass" is completely overrated. And when you laugh at the jerk who is making fun of someone , you look like a wannabe. And wow, that's really something to strive for, isn't it? (And I'm not talking about the light-hearted, friendly jokes. I'm talking about making fun of someone's medical problems, or speech impediment, or any other thing they have no control over.) I know you probably think it's cool or funny, but you're not even close to being either. Oh yeah, and when you're like 25 or 28 or 30 or 35 (or 50!) and you're still doing it, well, it's time to go back to the shelf and find a new kid's game.

11. Resist the urge to blow smoke in my face or in the face of my child. Yes, you have rights. Yes, I have rights. We're not going down that road. Oh yeah, and the fact that you are family does not give you MORE of a right. It gives you less - you should care more about the health of your family than anyone else! Don't even give me that song and dance. Please just show respect. But for the sake of clarification: My child's right to breathe clean air trumps your right any day of the week.

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31

A beautiful Easter Sunday.

2010-04-05T19:23:00.000-07:00

When they looked up, they saw that the stone had been rolled back; it was very large. On entering the tomb, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, clothed in a white robe, and they were utterly amazed. He said to them, "Do not be amazed! You seek Jesus of Nazareth, the crucified. He has been raised; He is not here. Behold the place where they laid Him. But go and tell His disciples and Peter, He is going before you to Galilee; there you will see Him, as He told you." Mark 16: 4-7

My sweet, handsome boy.

He loves his Gagi more than the stars.

Our family.

Liam with his cousins, Mackenzie and Audrey.

After church, Liam got to hunt eggs at home...and what a great time this was! Annie also enjoyed following behind him to sniff out the real eggs :)

And then it was off to Grandma and Grandpa's house for Easter dinner (but first, another egg hunt!).

Everyone waits patiently as Liam ("the baby") is allowed a head start :)

Eggs!

Kenzie sees one!

There goes Audrey!

Grandpa decides this is a perfect time to feed the fish...

Kenzie, Grandma, and Dorrie contemplate where the other eggs might be...

Liam takes a break to clean out Grandpa's pond.

Uncle J.T. helps Liam find the last egg :)

And now Liam is the Cat in the Hat :)

After dinner, the family surprised me with a wonderful birthday celebration. I was busy in the kitchen when suddenly, I hear the group start singing, "Happy Birthday" and honestly, I thought for a second, "Who are they singing to?" It's a week early (April 10th is my birthday), but, William had it right because I was actually born on Easter Sunday...

...and it was a perfect day.

I've got mud pies...just need a milkshake!

2010-04-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

The Easter weekend was jam packed with fun and celebration for our family! We did so much, and these are just a few of the highlights. (Pictures from Easter Sunday aren't included...those will come later.)

My mom came down at the end of the week, just in time for Liam's egg hunt at school...

I'm sure she's telling him where to find the most eggs.

Liam with his class.

No one can ever keep up with her.

Liam and his "girlfriend"

we made real mud pies...

we rode bikes...

She will get me for this.

We use the word "special" to describe these photos.

we colored eggs...

we dressed like dragons...

Liam was the ONLY one who got any sleep...

we practiced "being like Gagi"...

and we got lots of kisses.

Welcome to The World

2010-04-02T10:03:00.000-07:00

I find it to be no coincidence that our family has been blessed with the birth of Jacob Simeon just weeks after losing our grandfather. Congratulations, Dave and Jen, and thank you for giving ALL of us this blessing.

We prayed for this child and the Lord has granted us what we asked of Him. – I Samuel 1:27

A Brand New Ride...

2010-03-31T19:05:00.000-07:00

Who: William and Liam.

What: William taking Liam to pick up his new bike that my mom (Gagi) ordered for him.

When: Tonight.

Where: Walmart...and then home.

How: Liam rode his new bike from the toy department through the entire store, all the way to the check out lane. He then rode it from the check out lane, out the front door, through the parking lot to the truck.

I will regret for a long time that I missed seeing this. But...I did get to see him ride it from the car up to the front door...at which point he took over my phone call with my mom to thank her for his new bike...and then proceeded to ride the bike into the house.

"Thank you, Gagi, for my new bike."

First Easter.

2010-03-31T07:13:00.000-07:00

You could say I'm in a reflective mood. I can't stop thinking about Liam's first of everything! I found these pictures from his very first Easter...and oh my, was he adorable (and healthy!).

Easter morning with his turtle Easter basket from Grandma.

Our family.

Not very many babies would have been so HAPPY on the Easter bunny's lap...
but this kid was always happy about everything!

Having his very first cereal on Easter weekend. He loved it!

Kisses from Gagi.

He always slept the best at Gagi's - and Easter was no exception.

Tough morning.

2010-03-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

“Every good and perfect gift is from above.” – James 1:17

I received a heartfelt message from our priest this morning:

A life, even though it may have been brief, was still a life, and your experience of loss is an affirmation of the value of that life and every life.

I never even knew I was ready for a second child, until the miracle happened and was quickly taken away. But we move on and know that it was God's will.

As we found out we were expecting, immediately I began to reflect on Liam's newborn days...and the blessing he was in our lives. I still look at these pictures and can hardly believe 4 years have gone by. I love that boy more than I can describe.

“From the fullness of grace we have received one blessing after another” - John 1:16

New life.

2010-03-27T17:46:00.000-07:00

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) Ephesians 5:8

All the little ones listen to Msgr. talk about the meaning of Easter.

The hunt begins...

How many eggs did you get?

All the children were very proud of their 4-5 eggs each, but when the coordinator of the hunt realized they only got a few eggs each, she quickly had the teens hide some more eggs for them in another area. (see below)

Could Liam BE more excited?

I hope this kid was helping him instead of preventing him from getting an egg they both had their eyes on :)

A basket full - that's more like it!

it is well...it is well...with my soul.

2010-03-26T18:30:00.001-07:00

The last two weeks have been unusually stressful. I returned from my papaw's funeral in Kentucky (which was a TV drama all in itself, sadly enough) to discover that I was potentially miscarrying a pregnancy that I had not even confirmed with a home pregnancy test. I returned to Georgia, saw my ob/gyn the next day, and learned that I was already about 6 weeks along. The threat of miscarriage is still happening, and can I just say, unless you've been there, you can't put it into words for someone to understand your pain. Yes, there is physical pain, but the emotional toll is hard to bear.

We miscarried two years ago. Liam was 2 years old, and we were shocked to even find out I was pregnant. Now, two years later, we are just as shocked. But the joy of a surprise doesn't even have time to move into your heart because you're already faced with the loss that is inevitable. That's where we are now.

So, now we pray. A baby is such a miracle in so many ways.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.“ Proverbs 3:5,6

Top 10 (and I'll just leave it at that...)

2010-03-24T16:27:00.000-07:00

10. Don't, under any circumstances, think it is acceptable to wear blue jeans to your parent's funeral.

9. Don't bring dogs on leashes to ANY funeral. Ever.

8. Try to stay longer than 30 minutes to your parent's funeral visitation. It's called "family hour" for a reason.

7. Don't have your sister arrested on the morning your parent passes away. Better yet, try to avoid the urge to have your sister arrested on ANY day. I know that's difficult for you.

6. Do you even live here?

5. Yes, we know you're in town. You've made it known. Now please go home.

4. Your stick used to stir up shit is foul. After 30 years, at least get yourself a new one.

3. You.are.50.years.old.grow.the.hell.up.

2. Still desperate for attention? Take a number. You're no more special or deserving than anyone else in this family.

1. Respect. It's something you should really consider with regard to your family. They've tolerated your crazy ass for enough years - it's the least you can do for them.

Finally...peace.

2010-03-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

Lucky Dog.

2010-03-17T13:16:00.000-07:00

There are only two kinds of people in the world, The Irish and those who wish they were.

Liam got up this morning, ready for his holiday! He knew it was the day to wear green! Tragedy struck when we realized Daddy had taken off to work with the "green man" hat (Leprechaun hat). Liam had recalled dressing up last week in the hat, beads and shamrock glasses. Today's outfit wouldn't be complete without that hat!

This resulted in a complete unwillingness to wear the new Snoopy St. Patty's Day shirt I had found for him, or anything else green...in fact, the only thing I managed to trick him into wearing were his St. Patty's Day socks. Boo! He's the most Irish kid in his class and he showed up with a navy blue shirt.

Oh well, mommy was to the rescue to make this a fabulous St. Patrick's Day. I had asked his teacher last week if I could provide their snacks for today - Leprechaun juice, Lucky Charms in a cup, and all green fruits with green "shamrock" dip. When I arrived with the goodies, they all screamed, "It's a PARTY!" Liam could not have been more thrilled for me to be there, sharing this special holiday with him. He loved telling everyone that HIS mommy made the green drink and the green snacks.

The best part of the day? When I arrived, his teacher showed me the beautiful rainbow he colored for St. Pat's Day. (Liam has never shown an interest in coloring...and suddenly, on St. Patrick's Day, he colored the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen.)

Turned out to be a lucky day after all.

If you're enough lucky to be Irish, you're lucky enough!

Cheese.

2010-03-12T10:40:00.001-08:00

He makes my heart smile.

Troubled Water

2010-03-03T19:16:00.000-08:00

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. Psalm 46:1-2

Pick one and do it!

2010-02-28T14:03:00.000-08:00

I couldn't focus on just one thing today, so I thought about how many wonderful changes I could make in my life and decided to jot them down to share. Just pick one...and do it!

*Admit you were wrong to your parents (or your children)

*Smile as you pass people on the street

*Write a letter of apology

*Tell people you are proud of them

*Work for peace in the world - and in your family

*Lose perfection

*Offer to babysit and don't charge

*Don't hit your snooze button

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Give anyway.

2010-02-27T16:22:00.000-08:00

You hear it said all the time in one form or another: Give because you WANT to give, not because you expect anything in return. (And if you do expect anything, even silently, you must be the greediest person ever.)

Of course, we all go into the process of giving with that great feeling in our heart, but the truth is, sometimes people are incredibly ungrateful, and the truth is, it's hurtful. Sometimes, it does leave a bad taste in your mouth. And it can certainly build a wall around you that, whether you want it to or not, can prevent you from wanting to continue to give your time, your patience, your care.

But I really do need to stop having high (although what I consider reasonable) expectations of someone's gratitude because, chances are, I'm rarely going to be able to predict their response. It's nearly impossible. And I've learned here lately that sometimes my biggest problem is that I give to the wrong causes or to the wrong people. I know that sounds terrible, but it's not really as bad as it sounds. What I mean is, I am often investing my "giving energy" into things or people whom I really shouldn't be investing in at all, not because they aren't worthy but because there's probably someone else or something else that could appreciate what I have to offer more than the direction I'm sending it.

Investing in toxic relationships, one-sided relationships where, naturally, one person is taking, taking, taking and the other person is constantly giving, isn't good for anyone. But we all fall into it in one way or another. So, what I hope to have done during these weeks of reflection, is to have learned which people and which causes I need to be investing my service. The time that isn't well spent is time I'm taking away from God. When I am too concerned with reaching out to someone or something (or everyone and everything!) that is unwilling or unable to accept what I am extending, I inevitably neglect my husband, my son, and my close family and friends - usually in an emotional way.

So, as I move through this and try to figure things out, I will keep Mother Teresa's quote in mind.

People are often unreasonable,
illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, People may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone
could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

~Mother Teresa

I got my radio on...

2010-02-24T15:28:00.000-08:00

...except during the morning hours of the Lenten season.

It's a distraction in many ways, but it's mostly a distraction from two things: my time with Liam, and my time with God.

My first trip out in the morning is a 10-12 minute drive to take Liam to his 3K class. Instead of him sitting there in a sleepy daze and me flipping through the channels, I take that time to talk to him about his day ahead (or whatever silly story he wants to share with me at that time). We talk about the theme at school that week, we talk about the friends he will play with, and what we will do when I pick him up.

From there, I still leave the radio off until I get to my next stop. I take that next 10-15 minutes for prayer. Yes, with my eyes open!!! I just talk to God. I have no excuse at the end of the day because I DO have the time, I just don't make it. So, I thank God for my many blessings, including my safe drive to and from Liam's school, my family and friends, our health, our jobs, our ability to be creative and still make ends meet most of the time!, and I also talk about the things I could do better and how I long for the strength to do those things. It's 10-15 minutes, and it's some of the most peaceful time of my day for so many reasons.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Don't grumble, don't groan.

2010-02-22T11:59:00.000-08:00

My husband's family has lost a dear family member this week. I don't have a lot of words today, except that my personal challenge for today, and the days ahead, is to remember how blessed we are here on Earth with the time we have.

As part of Lent, try doing this:

Don't grumble. Don't groan. Don't moan. Don't be negative.

It's hard, you say? I know it is. But what a family goes through with the loss of a loved one is so much harder, so keep that in mind as you go about your day.

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

But I don't LIKE fish...

2010-02-19T13:20:00.000-08:00

Well, the good news is, you don't have to eat just FISH on Fridays during Lent. Yes, the Catholic churches typically do a Fish Fry as a means of fellowship and remembrance of the sacrifice we are making on Fridays, but it's just that - a means of sacrifice. We are honoring the Passion of Jesus on Good Friday.

I found a really neat explanation of fasting and abstinence: The purpose of a fast is to find out who is in control, you or your belly, and to win that control if necessary. It's also a way of using your appetite as a spiritual snooze alarm that moves you to pray.

Find a form of fasting that is appropriate for you, given your age and health. Some fast on bread and water on Wednesdays and Fridays. Some give up sweets throughout Lent. Some fast on one or more days per week from breakfast all the way to dinner, spending lunch hour in prayer or at noon Mass. Some cut out all snacks between meals.

The money saved from not buying various things could be given to a ministry serving the physically or spiritually poor. Or, take the time that you would normally be sitting down for a big meal and spend it with someone less fortunate or someone who is ill. There are so many ways to experience the "fasting" part of Lent. It doesn't have to turn into an issue of eating fish on Fridays. Make it a time of reflection on what's really important.

When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
—Matthew 6:16-18