10. Don't, under any circumstances, think it is acceptable to wear blue jeans to your parent's funeral.
9. Don't bring dogs on leashes to ANY funeral. Ever.
8. Try to stay longer than 30 minutes to your parent's funeral visitation. It's called "family hour" for a reason.
7. Don't have your sister arrested on the morning your parent passes away. Better yet, try to avoid the urge to have your sister arrested on ANY day. I know that's difficult for you.
6. Do you even live here?
5. Yes, we know you're in town. You've made it known. Now please go home.
4. Your stick used to stir up shit is foul. After 30 years, at least get yourself a new one.
3. You.are.50.years.old.grow.the.hell.up.
2. Still desperate for attention? Take a number. You're no more special or deserving than anyone else in this family.
1. Respect. It's something you should really consider with regard to your family. They've tolerated your crazy ass for enough years - it's the least you can do for them.
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